Talk Back Tuesdays with Captain Pegnose #2: Epic Tale

Ahoy me hearties, and welcome to another Talk Back Tuesday!

I’m sure all ye landlubbers sent me plenty of questions and queries over the last week, and I be anxious to answer. Although, I don’t know if we’ll be having time to address them all.  I be havin’ an amazing tale to tell about the past week. For, ye see, I almost not be making it this week, but I pulled it through by the skin of me teeth and the grit of me jaw.

There be many rumors that last week, old Cap’n Pegnose be stabbing himself. This not be true. I was mind-controlled by one of them Feykinja with their mystical mind-control ninjery. Well, they be taking me to a clinic for treatment, and I be telling ye, me caretaker be somethin’ to look at if you catch me drift.

However, it apparently not be meant to be. They wouldn’t let me have a drop of sweet poison while I be under their “medicine”. Me crew be insisting I have ta stay, but so help me, I escaped by only the light of night.

While coming back from prowling for as many drinks as me gullet could fit, I happened upon someone burglarring a nearby premise. Well, being the kind-hearted individual I be, I be checking the situation out, and as no shock to anyone, I be finding hundreds of ninjas pilfering the joint.

Well, if’in I not be the kind to stay and fight any ninjery threat, me name not be Captian Pegnose. I took each of those ninjas down like the landlubbing barnacle-heads they be. Each stroke I lay on them be like poetry in motion. However, they be lucky and get a few strikes in on ole Captain Pegnose. After all, Ninjas may be scum, but they be crafty.

I be an honorable man, and I figure I should be setting the place back up with all the pilfered goods in the right place, and as me bad luck would have it, the port authority be showing up at exactly the same time.

That, of course, is how the falseries and slanders of me robbing the governer’s mansion in a drunken stupor without me pants be starting. I be the hero here. The port authority, of course, din’t see me side of things.

I spent the next couple of days in the slammer to consider the crimes I didn’t commit and didn’t remember. My brilliant crew, in the meanwhile, spent its time thinking up an equally masterful plan to be saving me. The plan be flawless. After all, they be me crew.

Of course, to the untrained eye, it seems like me crew just blew up a hole in the side of the holding cell without notifying me first to the point THAT I WAS ALMOST CRUSHED BY THE CELL WALL PHILLIPS! YE DON’T THINK I BE NEEDING TA KNOW YOU WAS BREAKING ME OUT!?

…but that be after a long series of slight hang-ups and oddities that led up to that situation. I swear upon me mother’s life. Like I be saying. Perfect plan for a perfect crew, and we managed to escape. Unfortunately, we were spotted on our way out.

…And that be the story of how we be banned from our seventeenth port and why we currently be out to sea and why me post be late.

Now, let’s see what questions ye curious adventurers be having…

Sorry. No Questions this week.

By Neptune’s beard, ye be killing me. I bust me chaps ta answer your heartfelt mysteries and ye be leaving me hanging out ta dry. Now ye better have sent me some queries by next week or I’ll have to be forcing it out of you.

A Reminder from the Staff: Captain Pegnose can be reach via the twitter link above, his e-mail address in the contacts section, or by leaving a comment on his articles.

A Threat from Captian Pegnose: I better be having questions and queries next week or I’ll start kidnapping yer pets! I don’t think yer terrier be survivin’ too well on the high seas. If’in you don’t be having a pet, I can be substituting extended family.

A Retraction from the Staff: The opinions of Captain Pegnose do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the staff at

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