Talk Back Tuesdays With Captain Pegnose #3: Wiki Answers

Alright. Ye be givin’ me a definite run round now. Well, Ol’ Captain Pegnose ain’t be givin’ up that easily. Iffin’ ye refuse to send me yer queries, I’ll just have to do what I be doing best and steal questions from other sites. That’s right. I be answering your questions off of Wikianswers about pirates. Whether you like it or not. Aye! Let’s see ye be ignoring me now, eh?

How Pirates Become Pirates?
Most of us be born with it, but fer that rare occasion where one be coming from the Wanderers or Ninjas and choose to fersake their ninjery or wanderering, we be inducting them with a night of drinking and women that usually be ending in the arrest of a good 2/3rds of the people attending. Needless to say, we be enjoying new recruits. One less Ninja, and one more blackout.

Why did Pirates want to be Pirates?
Because we all meant to be Pirates deep down…

What? Ye want a better answer? AYE AYE!

Ye see. It’s a simple matter of logic and thinkin’. Ye only be havin’ 3 choices. Pirate, Wanderer, and Ninja. Wanderers be fine gentlemen and women and they be good friends, but they be boring. They don’t live a life of adventure and freedom like us Pirates. They may make a good dinner, but they don’t often make good adventurers? After all, who would CHOOSE to be a sidekick. Ninjas be even easier. There just be nothin’ fun ’bout Ninjas. They spend all their time using cheap tactics, boring strategies, and overall just sticking to plans. Instead of fightin’ like a man and going head to head most of ’em be content with just hiding and waiting until they be certain they can’t be dying. They just be boring. Pirates may live shorter, but we be livin’ fuller. So, I think it be obvious why ye choose to be a pirate. Pirates we was meant to be and pirates we be until the day we die.

Where are Pirates?
Any place there be valuables, rum, or yer daughters. I actually be pretty sure there’s some places we’ll go where even the bilge rats be hidin’ from.

Why were they Pirates?
AVAST! Don’t be gettin’ all phil’sofical on me. I be pretty sure the sea madness took that part of me brain long ago.

Why do you have Pirates?
WHAT DID I JUST SAY!? Fine. Because the universe spat us out into the cosmic spitoon and we decided reality be a fine place to settle down.

Who was the first girl pirate and how did she become a pirate?
Hurricane Kate. She became a pirate by simply proving to the pirates at the time that she was much scarier than any superstition ’bout the ocean and eating ships alive with women folk on them. From what I hear. I’d take me chances with the Kraken.

What did the Pirate say to the other Pirate?
“ARR! Ye filthy barnacle-brained bilge rat, put yer breeches on and catch me a bit of hardtack from the brig. AYE! I be exactly that hungry. Now stop yer back-talking and grab me mornin’ constitutions and grab me a mug of rum to wash it down.”

At least that what I be sayin’ when I be cranky and hungry.

When pirates first came did they have pirate flags on there ships?
Ye know. These people be even worser at the grammARR then meself. Ta answer yer query though. NAY! We first tried lighting the corpses of our enemies on fire and sending them over on a barrel of rum as a warning, but that be a waste of rum. So we decided to pick some a bit less costly.

What song has the words pirate people and pirate booty?
That would be the famous pirate shanty, “I Like Me Pirate People Like I Like Me Women (With Lots of Pirate Booty)”.

How do you describe a pirate?
Salty, Seaworthy, and Swarthy with just a mix of Scallywag.

What did pirates do with prisoners?
Depends on the prisoner and how much they be offerin’. Usually we just throw them in with the Kraken just to see how long they last.

What did pirates like to do?
See me last question but add “whilst hammered” to it.

What do pirates fear?
Dolphins. They be the criminals of the sea, and unlike Pirates, they be takin’ no prisoners.

How did you get to be a pirate captain?
Steal the ship from the last and hope the crew be too drunk ta notice fer at least a week.

When did pirates exite?
That be a bit personal, don’tcha think?

What is that pirate religion?
It be called “Venture Capitalism”. As in, “I venture your captial is mine”.

What do you get on a pirate map?
Usually a mess of drawings, a stew stain, and someone beatin’ ya to the treasure.

What did pirates do with their treasure?
It varies, but it always be fun, and it always be gone the next fortnight.

What did a captain pirate do?
Whatever we want.

How can pirates be stopped?
We can’t… Save maybe a herd of dolphins with cannons strapped to their backs. Seriously. Did ye know that they be murderin’ other dolphins fer fun?

Well, I think that be enough Pirate questions fer now. Ye better be sending real questions next week or I may have to be diggin’ even deeper and the questions only be gettin’ weirder from there.
So, send me an email at:
Or twitter me at: @CaptainPegnose
Or just be leaving a comment.

At this point, I even be answerin’ questions ’bout *shudder* Ninjery.

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